thinking out loud

things really happens for a reason. you never know where it might lead. decisions are made so that we will know where will it end. however a lot of bumps are on the way its up to us to go right through with it and experience the ride or turn your way around, change the course and go with it. it will just on depend on whether we want to or not... or maybe our hearts tell us to jump but our minds does not. will it just end there....

its been awhile since ive talk about this kind of matter... this complex stuff by the way...

long before when im in a daze... when i felt everything falls right into place... when every moment is a bliss... when every feelings uttered is pure joy... when time stops by itself...

then... its all gone...

when things are not the same anymore...

when i chase..

i hope..

i shed tears..

i hated..

i regretted and

i lost myself...

things happen for a reason.. we may don't know what it is but in time when we are ready to accept everything you'll soon realize that it has its purpose... to make us the person who we are right now...

then... its all coming back again...

when you feel that its time to start all over again...

to give yourself a chance to know and feel how it is to love and be loved....

# posted by me myself and I @ 9/20/2006 05:40:00 AM 0 comments

kung panaginip lang ito ayokong magising... 3 years ang tagal noon puro boses lang ang naririnig.... hindi ko mahawakan, hindi ko nakikita... sa wakas natupad din ang isa sa mga dinarasal ko na sana matuloy na ang pagkakataon na kung saan magkikita kaming muli... Ang bait talaga ni Lord binibigay Niya ang mga bagay na sinisigaw ng puso mo... Thank you po! I love you talaga! Nagkita na nga kami for the first time in 3 years... July 4, 2006 10:30 a.m, NAIA ang tagal ng paghihintay... nang masilayan ko ang kaniyang mukha sa telebisyon na ipinapakita kung sino-sino na ang mga dumarating dito sa ating lupang sinilangan... dali-dali akong bumababa at pumunta sa kanilang kinalalagyan... niyakap ko siya kaagad... mahigpit sobrang higpit... pinantayan ko ang tagal ng tatlong taon... parang tumigil talaga ang oras... ang sarap ng pakiramdam na maramdaman ang yakap niya... ang mga halik niya... masilayan ang kaniyang mukha... makita ang kaniyang mga ngiti... bawat luha ng kaligayahan ay sobrang naguumapaw sa sabik namin sa isat-isa... I love you ma! ang tanging kong nabanggit... i love you! i love you! i love you!... sobrang saya ko ngayon hindi mapapantayan ng kahit na ano... kung puwede nga lang tumabling sa ere gagawin ko... alam ko sandali lang ito... pero susulitin ko... darating rin ang araw na hindi na ito magiging isang panaginip... magiging totoo na... magtatagal na...

this is what makes life really special... when you share it with the people close to your heart... Its just breathtaking...

grow old with you

what a start to spent the new year...

i just came home form the hospital because i had to stay for the night to take care of my Lola. honestly i dont like spending the night in hospitals, why so? can you imagine your room being occupied a while ago by another person, well given the fact that i am inside the hospital of course that would happen however the worst part is someone might have died there and there you were dozing of and maybe having a good dream how ironic isn't it?. It just gives me the creeps. i was so sleepy but i couldn't get my eyes shut because of this paranoia i have. darn it! I'm such a woozy...! there wasn't supposed to be something i should be afraid of and there i am keeping myself under the safety of my blanket.

enough about my idiosyncrasies..

It is just a remarkable experience for me because i got the chance to take care of her. she is the one who usually do that for us but now its my turn. i just realize one thing, you will do everything and go an extra mile for your loved ones. you make sure that everything is alright and that she is safe all the time. even though its vey hard for me to wake up because i am a "tulog mantika" kind of person i make it to a point that i make my sleep mababaw lang so that i could feel that if she needs my help in getting down and up the bed ill be there in a jiffy and assist her in doing so, making sure the dextrose will not get in the way or get entangled, she has her pillows and blanket and she is in a comfortable position. i dont mind that im always waking up or that i dont get enough sleep that time or how hard it is to get up when your feeling tired because what i do is just a small part compared to what she has done for us and i love her and i thank the Lord for giving her to us. i saw how she takes care of her sons and daughters even though each of them have their own families already. how she makes it to a point to extend help to those in need of it. all these time her priority is her family. now that she is old she shouldnt be thinking of them but herself and enjoying life. i think thats how it is your family is the essence of your existence.

when my lolo came to pick has up and i was preparing all the things and ready to go home, when he approached her i saw how he looked at her with so much love and adoration he kissed her on the forehead that was so sweet, my lola wanted to sit on the couch rather than on the bed so he helped her to get down from the bed to the couch, as we are waiting for my tita who paid the hopital bill, i saw them sweeter than ever, my lolo put my lola's both legs on his lap and he massages it and saying to me, "lakas nito"., i saw there what true love is. i think true love is where you see that GOd is the center of their lives that is why it never ends and never fades but ever burning brightly.

im praying that i would grow old with someone who will be by my side until all my hair turns to gray, all the wrinkles are wrinklier than ever, all the sags are everywhere and most of all the scent of being old would be much sweeter and there he will be with me still looking and loving each other as if it was our first moment to see each other as God as our witness and the day that God himself have written our love story to be together forever. it is indeed "for better or worse, for sickness and in health, till death do us part" that is something. ;o)

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad Carry you around when your arthritis is bad All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you Kiss you Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you Feed you Even let ya hold the remote control So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink I could be the man who grows old with you I wanna grow old with you

at GUN point...

" isang pamilya patay, binaril ng isang lalaki dahil traffic"

malimit ko itong mapanood sa balita maging mabasa sa pahina ng headlines ng garyo. Nakakalungkot isipin na merong mga tao na walang iniisip kundi ang kanilang mga sarili walang pakialam kung makasakit ng iba...

Bakit kaya merong mga taong ganito? nabubuhay dito sa lupa para lang gumawa at maghasik ng lagim at kasamaan!!! bwaaaah-haha!!! *samahan pa ng kulog at kidlat* mga naliligaw na anak ng demonyo!!!! dapat sa mga ito ay then and there sinusunog ang mga kaluluwa pati flesh ang bones ano!!! hindi na dapat pinapayagan na mabuhay dito sa lupa.

habang kami ay papunta sa gateway quezon city upang manood ng sine.. *bakit pa kasi kami doon nanood ano?* ang dami namang sine dito sa malapit dumayo pa doon* paano po kasi nilabas ko ang aking mga pinsan na matagal ko na ring hindi nakakasama* anyways balik sa kwento..

un na nga habang kami ay bumabyahe sa kahabaan ng coastal road bigla na lang may nag-cut sa harapan ng sinasakyan naming FX ito ay isang blue private car. Ngayon ang siste ito namang driver na sinasakyan namin gumanti nag-cut din ang loko ngayon parang nainis ang blue car kaya mani-obra siya ng mani-obra na para bang nangkukutya at ayaw pausarin ang aming sinasakyan, nagtataka ang driver namin kung bakit ganoon ang takbo ng blue car kaya nagtake-over siya aba hindi pumayag ang blue car tinapatan niya ang aming sinasakyan at binaba niya ang kaniyang bintana at sabay dinuro ang driver namin at sabay binilisan ang takbo, nauna siya ng kaunti tapos binilisan din ng driver namin ang takbo rin niya at nauna siya sa blue car, ayaw patalo ng blue car sa pangalawang pagkakataon ang ginamit na panduro ng driver ng blue car ay ang kaniyang BARIL, tama po ang inyong nabasa at narinig, BARIL po ang kaniyang pinangtutok.

ang posisyon ko po ay nasa right side po ako ng driver na may hawak ng baril; window side ng passenger sit sa unahan, ang distansya ko lang po sa kanya ay two arms length. sa mga panahong iyon sobrang blanko lahat, wala kang iniisip kundi ang magdasal at maalis ka sa sitwasyong iyon kung pede lang with a wink of an eye mawala ka na doon at nasa isang safe place ka kaagad, alam mo iyon sobrang maliwanag pa sa isip ko ung mga panahong iyon, ang itsura ng mukha niya, ang pagkatutok ng baril, ang galaw ng aming kotse. ang bilis ng mga pangyayari, ayaw pa sanang palagpasin ng aming driver kaya lamang nagsalita na ako na kung pede ibaba niya na lang kami sa tabi at huwag na lamang niya patulan ang mamang hayop na iyon!!!, wala akong pakialam kung nasa gitna kami ng highway, basta ang gusto ko lang maibaba niya kami at maalis sa ganoong sitwasyon. nang mauna na iyong blue car nagsisignal pa ito na parang tatabi at maaring mag-abang sa malayo, buti na lamang at nagbago ang isip at humarurot papalayo, siguro nabulungan ng Diyos at pinili na lang na umalis *Lord sobrang thanks, i love you! mwah!*

nang kami ay ibaba ng driver at buti rin lang malapit na ito sa toll way, bumaba ako sa sasakyang nanginginig sa takot, kamay ko, tuhod ko, mangiyak-ngiyak pa nga ako, syempre dapat kapag ganoong emergency dapat composure ka pa rin buo pa rin ang ulirat po as in may presence of mind ka pa *naku kung bumigay ka lola kawawa ka naman kapag nagkaganun* as in sa tanang buhay ko ngayon ko lang naramdam ang ganung feeling ung takot pala na naramdam ko nung first time akong sumakay ng ferris wheel e dumi lang pala iyon sa kuko!!!

kesehodang nasa gitna ako ng tollway, malanghap ko ang usok ng mga tambucho, maging telebisyon ng maraming tao at masira ang aking poise i don't care noh!!! basta hindi ko na makita at maalis ako sa sitwasyong iyon, minsan pala ang unang mong iisipin na mailigtas ay ang sarili mo at ang kasama mo, kapatid ko pa naman ang kasama ko noong araw na iyon, malay mo maengkwentro pa nila sa ibang lugar ung hayop na kotse na iyon, hindi ko na ata iyon makakaya. nabubuhay ako ng matiwasay at masaya sa simpleng buhay ko!!!

sa aming pagbaba may dalawang pasahero ang gumaya sa amin. at ang aking kapatid naku mahihimatay at sabi niya sa akin naninigas na raw ung mga daliri niya tapos hindi na raw niya nararamdaman ang kaniyang mga paa, sabi ko safe na tayo, stay calm tapos first aid ang drama ng lola mo pinaupo ko siya with her head in between her knees tapos sabay opening and closing of her hands un nakatulong. importante talaga na buo pa rin ang loob mo kasi kung hindi malamang wala mangyayari sa aming dalawa, minsan you have to stay strong para ang iba may source of strength na pede nila sandalan.

at naging milestone ito sa buhay ko. ang maka-meet ng isang nilalang na kabilang sa lahi nila.Pede na then and there that driver can pull that trigger without hesitation kasi ung scenario namin hindi siya traffic fast flowing konti nga lang ang mga dumadaang mga sasakyan, walang by standers, walang witness malaya niyang magagawa ang kaniyang naisin. hindi ko alam am i at the wrong place at the wrong time? o isa itong pagsubok na bigay ng Diyos para matingnan kung gaano katatag ang aking pananampalataya? syempre ang tanging naalala ko sa mabilis at maikling pangyayaring iyon ay ang aking mga mahal sa buhay at si LOrd na nawa'y kami ay patnubayan at ilayo kami sa kapahamakan. masasabi ko na sa lahat ng mga nararanasan ko na mga pagsubok na bigay Niya sa buhay natin, hindi ko kayang bumitiw sa aking faith, mas nagiging mahigpit pa ang aking mga hawak sa lubid ng pananampalataya.

hindi ko makakalimutan araw na iyon dec 4, 2005 sunday around 12 noon, na iniisip ko kung iyon na ba ung araw na pede na ako pumunta ng heaven? iyon na ba ung last moments ko here on earth. matapos ang ordeal na iyon, marahil hindi ko pa panahon, marahil marami pa siyang gustong ipagawa sa akin, marahil marami pang mga tao ang magiging parte ng buhay ko, marahil marami pa rin akong maibabahagi sa iba na makakatulong sa buhay nila.

"maraming salamat po Panginoon sa walang sawa mong pakikinig sa aking mga dasal, maraming salamat po sa walang katapusang pagpapatnubay at pagbabantay sa aking pamilya at sa lahat ng mga mahal ko sa buhay maging ang mga taong nakapaligid sa akin at pati rin po sa mga taong kasama kong nagdarasal. AMEN"

# posted by me myself and I @ 12/11/2005 03:13:00 AM 0 comments

sa buhay ng tao may mga bagay na nangyayari sa kanya-kanyang panahon... may panahon para sa pagaaral may panahon para magtrabaho may panahon para magseryoso may panahon para magloko may panahon para magmuni-muni may panahon para magwala may panahon para tumahimik may panahon para maglibang may panahon para magkulong may panahon para tumawa may panahon para umiyak may panahon para umibig may panahon para mabigo may panahon para tumulong may panahon para magwalang bahala may panahon para sa iba... may panahon para sarili...

student ako ulit... haaay!!! bumabalik ako ulit sa paulit-ulit na pagbubukas ng mga libro... mag-notes... magquiz at kung ano-ano pa!!!! hanggang ngaun nasa adjustment stage pa rin ako... pagpray ko lang matapos ko ito ng mabuti...

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. that's why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle."An idle mind is the devil's workshop."And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourself. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it.If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity!

thank you mam she for the email! ;o)

Paano nga ba ? para po matutunan ninyo at para naman po sa mga taong nahihirapan meron na po tayong solusyon dyan... alamin natin mula sa expert na kaibigan ko si teacher PAz...

ibat-ibang ways...

kunin sa pamamagitan ng kuko, kelangan ba naka gloves?,

gamitan ng long-nose,

dapat ba tirisin or lunurin sa gas?

ung mga nagpapatay-patayan dapat ba dedmahin? inde, kc maya-maya gagapang ulet!

ah alam ko na... ipunin tapos patayin sa pamamagitan ng watergun... :)